Why Jewish Daughters Need Therapy

Jewish Mother: “Hello?”
Daughter: “Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight?”
Jewish Mother: “You’re going out?”
Daughter: “Yes.”

Jewish Mother: “With whom?”
Daughter: “With a fellow I know.”
Jewish Mother: “I don’t know why you left your husband. He is such a good man.”
Daughter: “I didn’t leave him. He left me!”
Jewish Mother: “You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybodies and nobodies.”
Daughter: “I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring over the kids?”
Jewish Mother: “I never left you to go out with anybody but your dad.”
Daughter: “There are lots of things that you did, and I don’t.”
Jewish Mother: “What are you hinting at?”
Daughter: “Nothing, I just want to know if I can bring the kids over.”

Jewish Mother: “You’re going to stay the night with him? What will your husband say if he finds out?”
Daughter: “My EX husband. I don’t think he would be bothered. From the day he left me, he probably never slept alone!”
Jewish Mother: “So you’re going to sleep over at this loser’s place?”
Daughter: “He’s not a loser.”

Jewish Mother: “A man who goes out with a divorced woman with children is a loser and a parasite.”
Daughter: “I don’t want to argue. Should I bring the kids or not?”
Jewish Mother: “Poor children with such a mother.”
Daughter: “Such a what?”
Jewish Mother: “With no stability. No wonder your husband left you.”

Daughter: “ENOUGH!!!”
Jewish Mother: “Don’t scream at me. You probably scream at this loser, too!”
Daughter: “So, now you’re worried about the loser?”
Jewish Mother: “Ah, so you, too, see he’s a loser.”

Daughter: “Goodbye, mother.”
Jewish Mother: “Wait! When are you bringing the kids over?”
Daughter: “I’m not bringing them over! I’m not going out!”

Jewish Mother: “If you never go out, how do you expect to meet anyone?”