Jewish Mother

Jewish Mom

A Jewish daughter says to her mother, “I’m divorcing Irv.” All he wants is sex, sex and more sex. My vagina is now the size of a 50-cent piece when it used to be the size of a nickel.”

Her mother says, “You’re married to a multimillionaire businessman, You live in an 8 Bedroom mansion, You drive a $250,000 Ferrari, You get $2,000 a week allowance, You take 6 vacations a year, and You want to throw all that away… Over 45 cents?”

Now that’s a Jewish mother!!!

 

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I’m Sexy and I Know It!!!!

I'm sexy and I know it

When I see someone heavier than their normal weight, I would never describe them as “Fat!”  The word “Fat” in my opinion is harsh, mean and brutal.  There are other nicer words we can say to identify individual on a heavy side. 

We can say “chubby, chunky, big bones, heavy, or li’l buddha!”  There are better words to use rather than calling someone “F,”  do you agree?

Anyway below is a list of quotes from the famous Chubby gals and guys of Hollywood.  They are not only beautiful, they are also intelligent, talented, and have great sense of humor.  

If I had been around when Rubens was painting, I would have been revered as a fabulous model. Kate Moss? Well, she would have been the paintbrush!”
– Dawn French

“The reason fat people are happy is that their nerves are well protected.”
– Luciano Pavarotti

“I have gained and lost the same ten pounds so many times over and over again my cellulite must have déjà vu.”
– Jane Wagner

“I am in shape. Round is a shape.”
– Anonymous

“I hate overweight, because it implies that there’s a weight standard I should be adhering to.”
– Camryn Manheim

 Don’t go out of your weigh to please anyone but yourself.”
– Anonymous

There’s a lot more to life than how fat or thin you are.”
– Kirstie Alley

 “When we lose twenty pounds…we may be losing the best twenty pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty.”
– Woody Allen

 “You’re either too fat or too thin. You just can’t win.”
– Natalie Imbruglia

“In the Middle Ages, they had guillotines, stretch racks, whips and chains. Nowadays, we have a much more effective torture device called the bathroom scale.”
– Stephen Phillips

“I’ve always thought of fat as just a descriptive word.”
– Camryn Manheim

“If nature had intended for our skeletons to be visible it would have put them on the outside of our bodies.”
Elmer Rice

 “I was really tired of words like ‘plus size’, ‘round’ and ‘large’. I thought, ‘come on we’re fat’.”
– Kirstie Alley

List of things that were killed by IPhone:

IPhone

  • Residential Landline
  • Blackberry
  • Camera
  • Alarm Clock
  • Calendar
  • Phone book, address book and/or Rolodex
  • Calculator
  • Radio, Boombox and Ipod
  • GPS
  • Notebook and/or Sticky-Notes
  • Banking
  • Flashlights
  • XM Satellite Radio
  • Kindle/E-book Reader
  • Magazines and/or Newspaper Subscription
  • Mirror
  • Photo albums
  • Dictionary
  • Portable Video Camera
  • Coupons/Vouchers
  • Airline paper tickets

Are there anything else that I’ve missed?  Feel free to share your thoughts.

Never Give Up

Resilience

Never give up, never lose hope
Always have faith
It allows you to cope

Trying times will pass as they always do
Just have patience
Your dreams will come true

So put on smile
You’ll live through your pain
Know it will pass and strength
You will gain

See It Through

When you’re up against a trouble,
Meet it squarely, face to face;
Lift your chin and set your shoulders,
Plant your feet and take a brace.
When it’s vain to try to dodge it,
Do the best that you can do;
You may fail, but you may conquer,
See it through!

Black may be the clouds about you
And your future may seem grim,
But don’t let your nerve desert you;
Leep yourself in fighting trim.
If worst is bound to happen,
Spite of all that you can do,
Running from it will not save you,
See it through!

WORRY NOT MY FRIEND

Even hope may seem but futile,
When with troubles you’re best,
But remember you are facing
Just what other men have met.
You may fail, but fall still fighting;
Don’t give up, whatever you do;
Eyes front, head high to the finish.
See it through!

AM I WITH THE RIGHT PARTNER?

Relationship

During a seminar, a woman asked,” How do I know if I am with the right person?”

The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, “It depends. Is that your partner?” In all seriousness, she answered “How do you know?” Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it’s weighing on your mind replied the author.

Here’s the answer.

Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love.

People in love sometimes say, “I was swept of my feet.”Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It’s a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.

Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, “Am I with the right person?” And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships breakdown.

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the person you found.

People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.

Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.

I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later.

Because (listen carefully to this):

The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the Person you found.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.

Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws Of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.

Love is therefore a “decision”. Not just a feeling.

Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let GO..

Thank you to all my followers!

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 3,900 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 7 years to get that many views.

Click here to see the complete report.

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