Jewish Mother

Jewish Mom

A Jewish daughter says to her mother, “I’m divorcing Irv.” All he wants is sex, sex and more sex. My vagina is now the size of a 50-cent piece when it used to be the size of a nickel.”

Her mother says, “You’re married to a multimillionaire businessman, You live in an 8 Bedroom mansion, You drive a $250,000 Ferrari, You get $2,000 a week allowance, You take 6 vacations a year, and You want to throw all that away… Over 45 cents?”

Now that’s a Jewish mother!!!

 

I’m Sexy and I Know It!!!!

I'm sexy and I know it

When I see someone heavier than their normal weight, I would never describe them as “Fat!”  The word “Fat” in my opinion is harsh, mean and brutal.  There are other nicer words we can say to identify individual on a heavy side. 

We can say “chubby, chunky, big bones, heavy, or li’l buddha!”  There are better words to use rather than calling someone “F,”  do you agree?

Anyway below is a list of quotes from the famous Chubby gals and guys of Hollywood.  They are not only beautiful, they are also intelligent, talented, and have great sense of humor.  

If I had been around when Rubens was painting, I would have been revered as a fabulous model. Kate Moss? Well, she would have been the paintbrush!”
– Dawn French

“The reason fat people are happy is that their nerves are well protected.”
– Luciano Pavarotti

“I have gained and lost the same ten pounds so many times over and over again my cellulite must have déjà vu.”
– Jane Wagner

“I am in shape. Round is a shape.”
– Anonymous

“I hate overweight, because it implies that there’s a weight standard I should be adhering to.”
– Camryn Manheim

 Don’t go out of your weigh to please anyone but yourself.”
– Anonymous

There’s a lot more to life than how fat or thin you are.”
– Kirstie Alley

 “When we lose twenty pounds…we may be losing the best twenty pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty.”
– Woody Allen

 “You’re either too fat or too thin. You just can’t win.”
– Natalie Imbruglia

“In the Middle Ages, they had guillotines, stretch racks, whips and chains. Nowadays, we have a much more effective torture device called the bathroom scale.”
– Stephen Phillips

“I’ve always thought of fat as just a descriptive word.”
– Camryn Manheim

“If nature had intended for our skeletons to be visible it would have put them on the outside of our bodies.”
Elmer Rice

 “I was really tired of words like ‘plus size’, ‘round’ and ‘large’. I thought, ‘come on we’re fat’.”
– Kirstie Alley

List of things that were killed by IPhone:

IPhone

  • Residential Landline
  • Blackberry
  • Camera
  • Alarm Clock
  • Calendar
  • Phone book, address book and/or Rolodex
  • Calculator
  • Radio, Boombox and Ipod
  • GPS
  • Notebook and/or Sticky-Notes
  • Banking
  • Flashlights
  • XM Satellite Radio
  • Kindle/E-book Reader
  • Magazines and/or Newspaper Subscription
  • Mirror
  • Photo albums
  • Dictionary
  • Portable Video Camera
  • Coupons/Vouchers
  • Airline paper tickets

Are there anything else that I’ve missed?  Feel free to share your thoughts.